My friend TRIED to get a tattoo of the Bathory logo on his CHEST, but it turned out so poorly, he wouldn’t even show me in person. He’s going to try and have it fixed. Poor guy.

Anatomically correct, Aitch

bettydays:

I have a story.

So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake. 

image

When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”

And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”

He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.

All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”

papazin:

bae: come over.

me: i’m in a cage match.

bae: my parents aren’t home.

meimage

I didn't know you have a boyfriend. When did this happen?
Anonymous

Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh no no no no! My darling dingbat is my bestie. We could never… He did propose to me once, though, and I said no.

My darling dingbat is home from the hospital! He tried to do a flip while BMXing and landed on his pumpkin head. I’ve seen him do it 100 times. His only request was lime sherbet, and what baby wants, baby gets.

My darling dingbat is home from the hospital! He tried to do a flip while BMXing and landed on his pumpkin head. I’ve seen him do it 100 times. His only request was lime sherbet, and what baby wants, baby gets.

I miss baby Alan